These days Michael Richards is the hot topic in the media here. He is a comedian and has insulted some african americans in a comedy club. The video of the incidence is in youtube. I just watched his apology statement. He looked embarrassed and nervous. I think that nervousness is necessary to make the apology more meant. And don't forget that he is an actor.
Apologies; sometimes they are necessary, like in Richards' case. But many times, especially here in US, they seem unnecessary to me, for instance when I ask a grocery store worker if they sell staplers, he or she apologizes to me that they don't carry one. That seems weird to me. It's not the worker's or even the store's fault. But this apparently is a culture much different that mine. And also this is a consumer-based economy, much different than what i was used to. Or maybe it's just the way to be polite.
Or look at this one: a few months back in our university, when some undergrads had a costume party in a fraternity or sorority house (can't remember which) and for some reason some Latino students were offended. That time, not only those kids apologized but also Mr. Herman, our university chancellor sent out a mass apology letter.
Now my own experience. Last semester I was one of the several TAs for a big undergraduate class, and once when posting a file to class discussion board, I accidentally posted some grades. It was there for a very short time, but one student noticed it. It was an honest mistake, but talk about undergrads and grades, he made a big deal out of it. The course instructor made me write an apology letter and send it not only to that student, but to post it on the board. O' it was PAINFUL. I found it quite unfair at the time, but now i think it's just how it works.
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5 comments:
Jeerjeerak jan:
I wonder if you noticed that it was painful because your ego was involved and that it's just how it works because when you make a mistake and you hurt someone's feelings intentionally or unintentionally, you must show your empathy by appologizing to them, and that's how it is in most civilized and cultured societies, except unfortunately Iran. We are all learning afterall.
Well, I agree that culturally it's difficult for us to apologize, but I've got used to it now and I never mind it:) Here, if you want to pass by a person and your physical distance becomes less than 10 cm, you apologize!
I guess a large percentage of apologies are just a polite gesture and showing of respect. For the smaller rest of the percentage,even if they are misundrestood, it doesn't hurt to apologize:)
It may worth remembering that carrying gun is legal in states and it is always wise to assume the person who you are dealing with, is carrying one, and is the same person who just had a fight with his wife and boss.
I.e, the politeness in US is not out of respect, it is mostly a pragmatic decision for survival. Simply, your advisor doesn't want to get a bad feedback from students, as his promotion depends on that.
I guess it sort of goes back to the wild west. When people would kill each other for literally "nothing". Think about that, the only way that they would survive was to pull the trigger first. Considering that, you would agree that their culture has come a long way. You could argue that this is a phenomenome very much specific to the American culture, as no other culture has started from such a diverse pool of people with no bonds who can carry guns.
Anonymous jan,
I don't think I look that much like a person that carries a gun in his pocket, and yet I receive lots of unnecessary apologies:)
But seriously, this could be a possiblity. That americans have learned to be polite so to avoid the potential deadly conflicts. But I'd say it's a minor cause.
I'm leaning more towards the 'ego' theory Mehrnaz proposed above...
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